i'm just a crosshair

2010-03-16T23:36:00.003+08:00

i've shifted uhh-gain (because "Change" is good).

poignant much?

2009-12-30T00:38:00.003+08:00

the world is such a bad place. i hate it. even the nitty gritty things, how people from both sides are giving their two cents's worth on sezairi, with their blatant racism masked by subtle comments, headlines and actions. it makes me sad.

i feel tired nowadays. don't know if i'm jaded from work (or from the bigger picture).

2009-12-24T01:16:00.005+08:00

can't avoid em. i'm talking about politics. politics at the workplace. as much as you try to avoid it, the inevitable still happens, it gets to you and pulls you down.

today it snowballed a bit and it affected me. i was sad.

what i don't get is that when you do something bad, people will hate you. when you do something good, people will still hate you.

i still believe that the world can change. i choose to believe that there is still some good in it and that if you want the world to change for the better, you should do your part. one person is enough to make good. wholesomely good. so fuck it, call me naive but i'm still gonna do my part.

even if it's at my fucking expense.

the best part is, higher management won't even look at you. they won't even hear you out. your comments/opinions/ideas do not matter. you've gotta face reality: you're in a lower league.

too much egotistical and stubborn people in this place.

2009-11-02T21:46:00.009+08:00

"Viva La Vida (Radio 1 Live Lounge Cover)" - Lady Gaga

first off, Lady Gaga is (FRIKKIN') talented. secondly, as from the witty modification to the words made by Lady Gaga on the song, these made me smile:

"be my Chris and i'll be your Gweneth"

and

"i know yves saint laurent, no he won't call my name".

hearing female artists with unique voices sing makes me happy.

2009-10-26T01:41:00.002+08:00

ever broken ~~a promise~~ three promises?

2009-10-26T01:27:00.002+08:00

there's something about bishan fire station that i really love. a kind of unusual serenity at night. when i'm on duty especially at night, it's good to know that everybody else is sleeping. all safe and sound.

2009-10-26T01:23:00.001+08:00

"you've gotta help me out.
it's all a blur last night"

2009-10-14T21:30:00.004+08:00

when i'm working, when the guys are pissing me off, doing this shit and that shit, i'd think about how John and Soon Long would have handled the sitch. Both of them would murder them, fo shizz.

when the supervisor is giving me a bad time, i'd wonder how Cherlyn would have dealt with him. good ol' Cherlyn, the Phillip-Eno, would definitely know how to handle demanding bosses.

and paperwork. them irritating reports/administrative matters/nominations, Li Jin would have it settled in a jiffy.

i realized the yjc lads and lasses left quite an impression on me. i think the reason why this post is up is because i miss them. there are many instances when i'd think of various yj people (of which mentioning some of them here would create quite a stir), when i'm working, and thinking how they would have handled a situation that i'm facing. i know for a fact that they'd be able to handle situations better than i do.

it's just that when you find yourself talking like them, consistently using the words they would use, telling an inside joke to your men that only you and the yj peeps would know and your men thinking that it's fucken lame, carrying yourself like how they would, following their hand gestures when conversing and what not, that you instantly get reminded of them.

so when you're running around in station settling the morning taking over and you receive a call that one of your guys is in police custody, you'd think about how Charmaine would have handled it. when one of them comes late and you wanna screw him bad and he's standing right in front of you waiting for what's coming and you know what Char would say to this repeated late comer and how she would have handled this. she would have handled it perfectly. you would, wouldn't you, Char?

2009-09-07T00:17:00.000+08:00

India Lima Oscar Victor Echo Yankee Oscar Uniform

2009-09-07T00:12:00.000+08:00

"i kissed a girl and i liked it,
the taste of her cherry chopstick."

2009-09-06T23:51:00.003+08:00

this may be a little late but i just caught Just Follow Law and i think it's a great movie that hits the spot regarding the public sector in singapore. to the people who send email as a form of black and white, cc-ing and bcc-ing your bosses as well as related managements as a means to protect your backside, this is the show for you. after months working for the higher management, i still don't get the black-and-white, strict compliance of the organizational laws and rules, pushing the work to others and the email-sending system. maybe i'm still a little naive but the tongue-in-cheek way jack neo puts the whole situation made me smile with this one.

never been a fan of local actors and actresses but fann wong was awesome.

2009-09-03T23:41:00.005+08:00

"Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, baik juga di negeri sendiri."

do you know why we, orang-orang melayu, can never maximize our progress? it's because of adages/proverbs like this one. if we're having some form of success somewhere else, why don't we just continue what we're doing?

who's for the idea of abolishing peribahasa?

2009-08-27T01:24:00.003+08:00

"MASSIVE HOMO CUNT".

- chev chelios

jason statham is kickass. i strongly recommend crank: high voltage.

afternote: i don't, however, recommend you watching it in the daytime when you're fasting.

2009-08-18T00:19:00.000+08:00

and happy 21st, baby!

0.03 okay. remember that.

2009-08-17T23:56:00.006+08:00

this post is to the new friends i've made and the old friends that i've (finally) met after a long long while. i apologize for never being there. sharing the company together and catching up even if it's for a while, do know that i appreciate every second of it.

2009-08-10T00:33:00.001+08:00

good morning. the charity shield had my two favourite german and french footballers, michael ballack and patrice evra, clash against each other. but the this entry is all about the patrice himself. he is now officially my hero. so what are you waiting for? get me a united jersey with his name and number at the back for my birthday.

2009-07-28T00:14:00.012+08:00

i don't usually listen to malay songs or manglish songs or any songs equivalent for that matter but this zee avi lady is pretty fucken awesome.

"Kantoi" - Zee Avi

2009-07-24T03:01:00.003+08:00

not really in the mood to blog these days for reasons that would need to be blogged about another day. but for now, i shall extract the whole post from the girlfriend's lj word for word:

"i have been feeling restless, listless, unhappy, unresponsive and to this day i know not why. so technically i'm bothered about nothing. but if you've followed Seinfeld long enough you'd know that nothing is actually god damn something, only basically nothing. ah now how messed up am i.

and so at times like these you'd think tauf would actually be here attending to my unclassified mood but nooo,

-after the millionth call, he finally picks up-

Me: baby i wanna tell you that whenever you're sleepy, which is all the time, you refuse to entertain me.
Tauf: baby i love you but i sleeping.
Me: but i'm boredddddd and sadddddd.
Tauf: why sayang. baby i love you
Me: i don't know. =(
Tauf: okay let's sleep. i love you.
Me: (0_0) Alah, go sleep lah sleep until you die. Take care.
Tauf: okay i love you take care.
Me: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH."

lesson to all female species: NS boys need sleep as much as they need air to breathe.

okay, class dismissed.

2009-07-22T00:13:00.000+08:00

ever heard of frank sinatra?

"For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way."

2009-07-02T23:34:00.005+08:00

nightmares come in your dreams. what if you wake up and find yourself living in a nightmare? there are a few options, of course. there's denial, which basically means you going back to sleep to escape from the nightmare and pretend that everything's fine, hoping that when you wake up, everything will be all good again. there's that defeatist attitude where you fuck every possible thing out there and just lie down on your bed, refusing to budge. finally, there's that choose-life option where you jump straight at what's in front of you and do whatever you can to make it less of a nightmare for yourself.

denial is when you go back to sleep pretending that nobody is calling you even though you strongly know that you're suppose to go for the meeting scheduled that afternoon. being in defeat mode is when you lock yourself in your room, lights all off, windows shut, staring at the ceiling whilst on your bed for days as if you're having a bad case of paralysis, without food or water, hoping that nobody would find out that you're locked inside, dying slowly. choosing life is when you wake up and you realize that you're in the middle of a cross-fire in what seems like a war and the only way out is to fucken shoot the other party or to bail at all costs. choosing life is when you wake up and you realize that your car is falling head-on into the river and you're punching the car window so hard because you don't want to sink along with the car into the very depth of no return. choosing life is when you wake up and you realize that you have a shitload of work to do, dozens of calls to make and a few hundred emails to reply and even know you can never complete all of it because it all keeps on piling, you know you have to at least clear as much work as you can.

today was the first time in my life when i woke up realizing that reality is a nightmare.

2009-06-27T23:17:00.002+08:00

it's just one of those days, i guess. but of late, it's always those days that keep on coming.

i think i've gone through a lot. have i, really? maybe i choose to think that way to feel sorry for myself.

fuck-all, let's go to sarajevo.

2009-06-20T23:06:00.001+08:00

"Hello sayang. =)

baby I'm only at jusco and they happen to have wifi here so I'm emailing you just incase I can't find anything later. I miss you and I hope you're doing well. Remember to sleep early kay, don't cheat just cause I'm not thereokay I'm pyshic. Okay truthfully I don't know how to spell that word.

Baby, drink lots of water kay and I love you very much. Kisskiss boyboy."

2009-06-20T22:18:00.004+08:00

we tend to be very superstitious with regards to incident calls, like how i'd place my fire gear leggings in a specific position at the hanging rack while everybody else puts it in the pumper because apparently when i do that, i get more than three calls per duty. sgt phua, however, is a special case. we call him "the locksmith". simply because he has gone to multiple locked door rescue incidents when the public complains of foul smell, most of the time, finding decomposed body in a housing unit.

yesterday, the locksmith was the section commander in my turnout crew for PL 151. lo' and behold, we received a call on a locked door incident at night. we arrived at scene, all of us in uniform knowing that this is only a rescue incident while the locksmith is in all out fire gear with helmet. he got down from the pump ladder, got the bolt cutter and charged to the lift. when i mean 'charge', i meant it in the "300" the movie, this-is-spartaaa kind of charge. i don't know whether to laugh or to smack my forehead.

everybody running to the housing unit of the location, myself trailing because i was tucking in my shirt. as i reached the unit, i realized the police were already there so i was trying to find the in-charge to enquire more about the incident and i saw one of them smiling to me. it took me a few seconds with the smell and all to realize that it was hafiz.

so i was like, amaciaaaaaaaammmmm! i was fucken happy to see him considering that i have not met the gaycrapz for a while (hell, what's new, what's new, i've always been missing in action). since he enlisted into the singapore police force for his national service and got posted to bishan npc and he practically cover the same area as i am, we're bound to meet. i'd never expect to meet him at such an unusual circumstance. and despite all the tension with my crew trying to conduct forcible entry, the smell and what not, hafiz and myself were catching up on each other.

when we finally managed to force open the door, the smell got stronger and the locksmith was shaking his head and was like, "sir, confirmed case." so we went in, since nobody wanted to go in and tried to look for the source of the smell. we found the subject eventually on the floor beside the bed, still conscious so i called the paramedics in. god knows how long the subject was there in the dark with just the radio on. i hope the person is fine now.

two learning points from yesterday: first, axe brand medicated oil works wonders to shield odours and second, i miss my friends.

2009-05-28T00:56:00.000+08:00

sad. totally worn-out. help.

2009-05-18T23:45:00.002+08:00

you don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry.

i've been guilty of neglecting my friends and taking them for granted of which losing one (or two but for now, i'm missing that one specific person) made me realize how much i long for that special companionship.

and despite the acquaintances that i've made which seems similar somewhat to what we had, it's not the same.

2009-05-17T18:07:00.003+08:00

angry lady lesson number 4: make her angry and you shall incur her wrath (notwithstanding the adorable face which makes you want her more).

2009-05-10T23:47:00.002+08:00

one year. ~~and a gazillion million more~~. and forever and ever always.

happy 1st anniversary, baby.

and finally, the apt lyric to complement message for this post from the current song that i'm currently addicted to, that i have on repeat and that i have as my ringtone:

"i want nobody, nobody but CHU!" *point and clap clap*

2009-05-08T01:33:00.002+08:00

emmelien moretti is back so let's head to belgium.

2009-05-04T23:40:00.001+08:00

bucky katt says:
you heard about bilderberg?

Ilyas says:
Let's put a lot of sleeping pills into milk

bucky katt says:
nwo?

Ilyas says:
New world order yes
Bilserborg no

bucky katt says:
it's part of nwo
a group of rich ass dudes
get together to plan about nwo
bilderberg group
it's a conspiracy la nonetheless

Ilyas says:
To make themselves richer?

bucky katt says:
to set up nwo
i think right
all these nwo nonsense
its just paranoia

Ilyas says:
Or

bucky katt says:
if the world is heading towards a uni government
so be it
all these conspiracy theorists
fucken paranoid

Ilyas says:
Or
All this conspiracy theorists

bucky katt says:
or?

Ilyas says:
Just making up all their conspiracies
To hide something much larger

bucky katt says:
man

Ilyas says:
Like galactic large

bucky katt says:
a conspiracy within a conspiracy

Ilyas says:
Yeah man

bucky katt says:
that's scary dude

2009-05-04T23:25:00.002+08:00

i need to come to terms with the fact that it's impossible to make everyone happy.

2009-04-27T13:35:00.004+08:00

currently,

intranet password - obiwankenobi1

lotus notes (email) password - schutzstaffel

such a hassle to have to change passwords now and then for security reasons. that aside, it's the fact that i know i have an inclination to a jedi nazi.

2009-04-26T13:03:00.003+08:00

lubchu.

2009-04-13T02:40:00.005+08:00

i am an email and phone answering machine. it's really hard to describe the amount of work that i have. turning out for calls, that i don't mind. it's handling the paper work from idiotic men who go awol, taking note of contingency plans, doing reports and attending meetings that never seem to end. so basically, i don't really have the luxury of having spare time to spend outside work like i used to. and the calls that come in and calls that i have to make, oh my gosh, is just plain ludicrous. i am annoyed knowing the fact that my phone bill is gonna shoot up not because of princess cupcake aka the girlfriend but because of work.

welcome to the real world of work politics especially rampant in a uniform organization.

i have come to an understanding that i am naive. naive to still hope for a world where everybody is nice to everybody else, minding each other's own business, free from constant gossips and bitching and backstabbing nonsense. the best part is, seeing grown men under you trying to bootlick you as much as they can and bitching about somebody else. grown men. note: men. female species tend to bitch and gossip more? myth.

so back to being an email and phone answering machine. the stress that comes with working is insane. it's trying to meet datelines here and there, doing all the work that is given and trying to make people happy. for my case, it'll be on two level. the first one, my supervisor and the second one, the men. here's to giving day off or day leave, deciding on the degree of regimentation needed, punishments that is to be given should they commit a wrongdoing, getting them to pass ippt and many more.

my point: it's not an easy job. not an easy job, no sir. should you ask, i will definitely be getting fucked come next duty because i screwed up some paperwork.

last duty, i was hoping for hell because i was in the mood to go sacrificial. no, it's not because channel 5 was showing ladder 49 but because i was fuck-all about everything seeing the amount of work that has to be done.

2009-03-30T00:25:00.001+08:00

baby puteri cupcake.

2009-03-15T00:39:00.003+08:00

it's been quite a while. life has been exceptionally busy right now. never in my wildest dream that i could've thought of the amount of work that comes with rota commandeering duty. my OC bugs the RCs and DRCs a hell of a lot but i suppose he means well. deep inside the frantically authoritative man is a small, soft carebear-ish sofa spot for all his men in the fire station.

for a guy who has eluded work for most of his life, this new experience is pretty overwhelming. not that i'm truly dreading it. the first official turnout without supervision for a generator fire with the basic task force, firebikes and pump ladder out together, was wicked. imagine yourself sitting inside the pumper (or fire engine as most people would've called it), already out from the station on your way to the incident site and your firebikers, your station mates, speeding up from behind you also trying to get to the incident site. of course, with the need to get to the incident site by the stipulated response time of eight minutes, these hell riders are good men who will save you from the spanking you'd get if you don't get to the site within eight minutes with the traffic and what not. still, with all the requirements and procedures and protocols in mind, just seeing them go, you'd expect a pumper to follow them from behind and there's a lag, a realization, amidst the semi-chaotic noises from the sirens and matra sets and the blinker lights that you are actually one of the firemen in the pumper. the first thought that came to my mind was:

this is so. fucken. COOL.

and to top it all off, the fire control that you'd relay your messages to using your communication sets, matras and MDTs (aka walkie-talkies), is actually your father.

"PL 151 to fire control, responding to location, over."

"PL 151, you're responding to location, roger, roger."

priceless, man. totally priceless.

2009-02-16T01:06:00.002+08:00

claus von sTAUFfenberg, thank you very much. uncanny resemblance.

valkyrie was awezomme.

2009-02-16T00:23:00.004+08:00

according to the lady, valentine's day is a sham. she warned me that she's going to refuse any flowers or gifts if i'm planning to get any for her because she thinks that it's only going to be an obligation since everyone is doing it. this, she reasons, would mean that it won't be something special anymore because every single girl is gonna get flowers and whatnot. so she put up a stern warning saying that if i really did get her flowers, she'd throw it to my face.

feisty, but i absolutely love her (even if it means getting her gerberas or tulips on random occasions).

and so this was how we spent 14th of feb:

the mint museum was ace. enjoyed the day even though every frigging restaurant was practically packed.

ily, baby. fna.

2009-02-13T23:22:00.004+08:00

i'm officially done with hazmat training and i'll be off to bishan fs come next week. for serious, i'm gonna miss the guys from the hazmat course. we went through some crazy bouts of endurance training and tests together. speaking of tests, part of the course was a theory test, sets of structured questions which might seem easy from the onset but is actually a big pain in the arse. it's all the ionization radiation and chemical biological agents and a bunch of other nonsense which is essentially science-related (which is totally not my kind of thing but i sorta regret that i never had a penchant for it in the first place considering how important it is). so the night before the test, i was cramming everything in with alfian at the friendly fast-food joint that people call mcdonalds. there i was concentrating hard and suddenly, i realized something.

i am a full-time NSman, currently serving and i. am. actually. studying. for serious i am actually mugging.

sad. very, very, very sad.

2009-02-01T01:18:00.005+08:00

so scrapbooking is like a new thing for me until palm-olive introduced it to me. i wasn't much into it in the first place until something called for it. something like cpt. koh's open house and the fact that we have not gotten him anything at all to show how grateful we are to have him as the BOC course administrator. then i was like, let's do something new for a change and scrapbook something together. so we practically spent the whole saturday working on it (well, actually she did). with frapps and spicy seaweed with us, we worked on it, palm-olive regulating everything to the very detail even telling me the way i should place the stickers and i was like, okayyy lady take it easy.

but it was so cute seeing her doing the whole thing up. and it was actually fun.

okay that sounded very un-masculine. scrapbooking is not fun. it's cool.

anyways, i've been receiving a lot of freebies lately. my mom gave me full vouchers at a spa that she got free after buying something at lee hwa. and danial gave me free tickets to escape theme park. awesome shizzz.

2009-01-25T23:39:00.002+08:00

so initially i was all ecstatic because i was posted back to civil defence academy at the fire fighting training wing. being back in the academy would mean that i would be working office hours, have a chillex time for the rest of my ns life training mat recruits. and i was happy as hell. then, just a day after my passing out parade, they told me that i am gonna be posted to bishan firestation and i was like, yo what the heck.

they told me that the new posting was 99.9% confirmed because they still needed the deputy's signature on the paper. so i held on that small chance of me staying put in the academy, of course, to no avail. my father called me up just now in the morning and told me that major azlan had personally talked to him and confirmed my posting at station 15.

how, now. how?

2009-01-25T23:29:00.000+08:00

no regrets whatsoever.

forever and
ever
ever
ever
always.

ever
ever.

ever.

i miss your scent, palm-olive.

2009-01-25T23:04:00.001+08:00

POP-OH!

41st BOC
24th June 2008 - 23rd Feb 2009
Ortus Ex Incendia

2009-01-10T00:16:00.004+08:00

it's fucken over, hell yeah. fire-fighting training is officially over (minus the hazmat training that i would need to go through if i'm going to be operational but that's after the block leave). in comparison to inferno, exercise carina was a killer with the suits and the masks and casualties and everything else. but after the last exercise, i was peeved to have not felt anything considering that it was all over. what matters, i suppose, is that i survived.

so israel and palestine, yada yada. i think it's just me being in preoccupied and stuck in camp and i just can't be bothered by the news at all. like, hokay, what's new, it's happening again and sowhutt? the conflict is endless. still, though, it's scary how all the prophecies are falling into place and if israel is going to be at it's peak, then it's time. it takes one action from the other arab countries to spark something off, get israel (with the help of the big brotha) to go aggressive and we can all wait for the messenger.

which explains my current fascination to the end of time. thus, i shall go crazy and invest on a solid astronomical telescope (and i'm being serious about this) so that i can have a beautiful view of the moon and nebula and stars and at the same time, become the sentry boy and tell everybody when there is an asteroid or planet that is on course to earth. it's a win-win situation, really. and if it's true that nibiru is out there, i'll get to see it up-close.

on a much lighter note, i caught the great jason statham on his third instalment of the transporter. which rocks. okay, it didn't really rock, like, ROCK but jason statham did like always albeit his balding head. and after the movie, i felt inclined and motivated to hit the gym. oh and of course, who can forget the supporting cast, natalya rudakova, a gorgeous russian with short hair who reminds me of somebody.

2008-12-28T19:00:00.004+08:00

"But i'll look gooder you know."

baby did some internet shopping and bought a bag for an outing on sunday. she had it registered, the postman came and she wasn't there. so it was a late saturday afternoon and she wanted to collect it at the post office but realized that the post office closes early on saturday and it's not even open on sunday. so i told her that she looks good with any bag she carries. she argued.

baby, just smile. your smile always make you look gooder.

2008-12-28T18:55:00.000+08:00

"Dear whoever has been addressed as in the "To:" list,

They say that it does one a world of good to reflect, once in a while. To consolidate everything we have seen, heard, smelt, tasted. To remember everything that we have felt.

We are, after all, the sum of all our experiences. How else to know who we are if not through learning who we were? And as the pages turn to the final chapter in your book (I no longer have a place there, unfortunately), I find myself somewhat overwhelmed. Many things have happened, and I have changed so much.

So just this once, pay me some heed. This, is my last aria. The last song I sing as my life in BOC, as it were, draws to a close. This, my friends, is the requiem for me.

Everyone has their own song. They move on with life to their own rhythm and beat, listen to their own melodies, play their own music. My song, and I am glad to have had it this way, has itself rooted in you. All of you.

There's a bit in my song about how we went through the BTMs, happy hour and ladder drills all. The song slows a little after every exercise, when we need a few beats to recharge. And it becomes upbeat again every night, when we come alive again, talking amongst ourselves while the dorm is festooned with drying laundry, sloppy guitar play, and instant noodles.

A slow waltz was played when Greg left us, but it became an uptempo Viennese rendition when he came back to see us, and tell us just how well he's been doing. Through this and the many other things that have happened, the song kept playing. It kept me going. I hope your songs helped you through as well.

What I'm trying to say is, my curtain's closing on my stage, and I am going off to leave for my next performance. But the one leaving and the one who came all those 27 weeks ago, they are worlds apart. I for one, prefer to believe that the one leaving is better for it.

My song, dear friends, just like me, have been taken out of the 41st BOC.

But the 41st BOC will always remain a part of my song, and of me, wherever its beat brings me.

Warm Regards (and a foreboding premonition of embarrassment cum next week onwards)

Ikhsan
Former Officer-in-Training
Always the dramatic

P.S.: I will deny ever typing this nonsense. So don't bother bringing it up. Unless you to find out if your face is a size 11.5... I know my top boots are.

P.P.S.: My peer appraisal is attached too."

i don't know if i should post this up on public but it's things like this that is forever etched in your life memories and i just have to get this up for keepsakes.

OCT Ikhsan bin Suri, to me, is probably one of the most amazingly intelligent, confident and eccentric person i've met. the kind of memorable character that you know would be soaring with success in the future. it's sad that he's leaving the course considering we have just one month to go.

ikhsan, always the dramatic. always the eccentric. always the confident.

always the intelligent.

2008-12-28T18:53:00.004+08:00

i somehow managed to catch the royal tenenbaums on star world. this sequence, along with elliot smith's song, gave me the chills.

2008-12-21T18:00:00.004+08:00

i will now declare, eh, no, no. i will now assert that short is hot. and baby bought me an awesome tee. kinda gives a whole new meaning to road traffic accident incidents. i totally LOVE it.

this week was eventful. the whole freaking week. hot blaze exercise shed some light on how tiring fire fighting really is. other than that, i'll keep it private. i just wanna say that i've been quite an ass (like i always have) and i am therefore truly sorry.

fna, baby.

2008-12-21T00:21:00.001+08:00

"The stars are blazing
like rebel diamonds
cut out of the sun,
can you read my mind?"

2008-12-14T20:01:00.004+08:00

"i love you so much, it's retarded."

nick and norah's playlist was ace. so was angus, thongs and perfect snogging. i've got the latter's soundtrack and i've been searching for the soundtrack of nick and norah's but i can't seem to find it anywhere.

i know i'm gonna sound insanely ancient by saying this but

i
want
to
watch
juno.

baby, baby, hurry, hurry burn juno into a cd so that i can watch it in camp.

2008-12-07T05:44:00.000+08:00

i can't get enough of her scent.

2008-11-30T19:52:00.003+08:00

brunei was some crazy mother. it was fun, nonetheless, except for the fact that i burned two consecutive weekends. had my deserved rest this weekend after a while and i really miss waking up late. anyway, it'll be a hell of a ride from now one with the field and final exercises.

wish me luck.

2008-11-30T19:50:00.000+08:00

"Girls need attention, and boys need us
So let's make everybody glad
That they have each other in each others arms
Oh let's make everybody glad"

2008-11-30T19:43:00.006+08:00

self-explanatory. especially the last one considering how she actually teared when jojo wanted to go near her.

anyway, yesterday was amazing.

ily:)ily:)ily:)

2008-11-09T12:07:00.001+08:00

"They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while"

2008-10-26T02:12:00.003+08:00

you think you funny? you think you funny? you think you funny?

2008-10-26T02:10:00.001+08:00

"some people are just born human. the rest of us, we take a lifetime to get there."

2008-10-26T01:49:00.003+08:00

"If the fish swam out of the ocean
And grew legs and they started walking
And the apes climbed down from the trees
And grew tall and they started talking

And the stars fell out of the sky
And my tears rolled into the ocean
Now I'm looking for a reason why
You even set my world into motion

'cause if you're not really there
Then the stars don't even matter
Now I'm filled to the top with fear
That it's all just a bunch of matter

'cause if you're not really there
Then i don't want to be either
I wanna be next to you
Black and gold
Black and gold
Black and gold"

i'm addicted to this song due to various reasons. deep stuff with the lyrics, the song has an electro-funk and soulful feel to it, a quasi-british thing going on and sparro, the artist, is openly gay which is actually pretty ironic considering that his father is a gospel minister. it's more of the lyrics actually, something religiously and spiritually abstract.

2008-10-11T23:04:00.003+08:00

"baby, i sakit perut but i strong."

baby dearest can make me smile even though i feel so fucken guilty that i'm unable to spend time with her this weekend, especially during the time of the month.

i don't have them monthly periods but i know it sucks balls.

2008-10-11T22:46:00.003+08:00

gonna totally burn this weekend. wits course and guard duty yet again. on another note, i managed to do some visiting. well, after today it was like four house visits in total this eid. and i realized that i don't like the routined procedure of going to one house, talk cock, leave and proceed to another. i mean if you wanna do some serious catching up, you should limit yourself to a maximum of two houses per day rather then going to a dozen houses at once.

gotta thank ng LIJIN for being so unselfish. you don't know how much i appreciate your help. your laughing buddy thinks you're cute and hilarious, by the way.

also, baby bought me the mama mia! soundtrack after i told her that i really really wanted to get it. watched the movie two weeks ago when it opened and i'm hooked (even though mister brosnan can't sing for nuts). it was a nice surprise. i'm so gonna bring the cd for duty tomorrow and let my laptop play the cd on repeat, put in on speaker and then everybody will be like, "i belieeeeeeeeeeveeee in angels," or "voulez-voooooooooooouuuus, AH-HA."

2008-10-01T18:19:00.000+08:00

mrt hughug.

2008-09-28T04:25:00.004+08:00

mms sent by baby dearest:

"create drama if all else fails".

it's things like this that makes it all worthwhile. i swear baby's super cute.

2008-09-06T15:31:00.007+08:00

i haven't got the chance to update properly these days. training's been tiring, guard duties here and there (which i think is redundant considering the fact that cda is just cda, a bunch of firefighters to-be in the academy, not your usual army base and also because i think prowling with an m-16 around your body with live rounds is cooler than with a frikkin' baton but oh well, a man's got to do what a man's got to do), course projects, tests, heat and humidity training (was a crazy mother, by the way), much needed rest and now, zomg, fasting month.

which reminds me, the need to publicly declare that ramadhan is indeed a blessed month, a period of grace and goodwill. i shan't elaborate more on why i think differently now, so that i won't spoil the mood. the change in mindset is surprising, even to myself, the realization of it all left me pretty much astonished because i'm not actually your usual mr-good-muslim.

first day of ramadhan made me miss my family, because i was not able to break the day's fast together with my family like i usually do. when the azan came up, i was all emotional. now, i don't usually do these emotional nonsense, not pertaining to my family at least but it just came over me. which pretty much left me in bewilderment. astonishment, really. i was wondering if maybe i've grown old. old enough to have missed my family or something.

jojo's becoming more manja nowadays, i think my dad has pampered her too much. not that i care actually. she's more cute when she's all manja.

oh and i've turned twenty. birthday was awesome, credits to my dearest for making it all nice. i wouldn't have wanted to spend the day with anybody else. oh, my family too. they made it all sweet. and to the people who wished me, i really appreciate it. this year's birthday flew by. no epiphany, no regrets, no nothing. maybe because it was a busy week. i think it's really just a national service thing, to make everything fly by silly.

quibbling and bickering throughout the week. i personally think that it's quite cool, us having fights here and there. if anything, i'm truly sorry. i've been known to be quite a jerk. not that it matters because the challenge to coax/pujuk is always nice. sorta like a guy thing or something. and it makes me realize how much i treasure baby dearest.

therrreee you go. the next week's gonna be pretty crazy. flashover training means that we're gonna be handling real fire (woohoo!) and ippt test. oh, speaking of which, the day after hari raya will be the soc test. prepare to see all the hari raya delicacies, all the kuih tart and rendang and sambal goreng and ketupat in vomitus form. looks like this year's syawal will be wasted again. not that i'm not used to it.

i'm in camp

2008-09-01T22:15:00.001+08:00

and i miss her scent.

2008-08-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

happy 20th, baby! hope that you had a blast today.

forever and always, love.

2008-08-16T23:36:00.000+08:00

"And I know that it’s so cliche
To tell you that everyday
Spent with you is the new best day of my life
Everyone watching us just turns away disgust
This jealousy they can see that we’ve got it going on

And I’m racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know you’re more to me than what I know how say
Your okay with the way this is going to be
Cause this is going to be, the best thing we’ve ever seen

If anyone could make me a better person, you could
All I gotta say is I must have done something good
You came along one day, and you re-arranged my life
All I gotta say is I must have done something right, I must have done something right"

2008-08-10T11:35:00.003+08:00

maybe it's a good thing that i'm in the scdf. i can practically talk with my father for hours about the training, the work and the people in there. before, we had conversations on a superficial level. now, we're pretty close with a common topic to talk about. kinda like a blessing in disguise of sorts.

yesterday was a fuzzy-nice day. i'm all smiles.

:):):)

2008-07-27T14:55:00.001+08:00

piggy-backs and cup in a corn.

2008-07-26T11:44:00.002+08:00

it's sad when things don't work out the way you expected it to be. even when you're not directly involved in the situation, you can't help but feel a little bit sad. that's the thing about rooting for someone who's pursuing a relationship. and when it fails, us male species make such bad advice-givers and listeners, really bad confidants, that we can only respond with a mere, "i feel you, man. i really do." then comes the helpless feeling when you see your mate all down, you thinking what you should be doing or saying to him, maybe a hug or a pat but then you retract back because you think it'd be gay and all. the thing that happened last week was something new for me. simply because i was quite close to both parties and i was hoping that they would last. but they didn't.

after what happened, i've learned to appreciate :):):) more.

to char: eat more. binge and binge and binge, i don't care. you look better with more meat on you.

2008-07-25T22:52:00.001+08:00

this song is like our official course anthem.

"fiiiiiiiire."

2008-07-13T18:59:00.006+08:00

baby,
baby
don't
be
silly.

don't ever degrade yourself, think that you're incapable, think that you're dumb. because you're not. totally none of the above. because i think you're the most amazing person ever ever ever.

baby,
baby
don't
be
silly.

and
baby,
baby
i
miss
you
dearly.

p.s. i love how you use your eyes to signal me randomly the exact positions on your face when you want me to give you a kiss.

2008-07-06T01:19:00.004+08:00

oh wow i'm finally back home after two weeks in camp. i can't take any of these confinement nonsense because i'm gonna miss my mcdonald's, my kfc, my bed, my internet, my jojo, my family and of course, my dearest :):):).

the good news is that i got posted to scdf and i was fuck happy (times a million) initially until i found out that we had to get confined for one weekend to get the people in our course to bond together or something like that because we have both regulars and nsf in the same course. so like i said, i was fuck happy initially. firstly, because my father is working in the scdf and secondly because i don't have to go through all those field camps and more and more confinements that army has.

frankly, i thought scdf was gonna be a breeze because i thought it wouldn't be as bad as the army but fucken hell, fire fighting training is no fucken joke. my father cheated my feelings when he said that the training was gonna be fine for me but seriously, the first time when we had to don our fire jacket and lagging and helmet, coupled with hose drills, i swear i wanted to faint/cry/die/pee in my pants. it's that two or three hours of intense endurance training under the hot sun wearing the uber fucken hot bunker gear and carrying uber fucken heavy equipment that tests you mentally and physically. also, knowing that my father is also in the scdf kinda makes it all more pressurising because i don't wanna seem weak and fuck everything up since all his friends kinda knows his son, yours truly, is in there too. so, from fuck happy (times a million), it lowered to fuck happy (times ten).

i underestimated the scdf. mats or no mats, rejects or no rejects, i now have a high degree of respect for scdf and their fire fighters. even the fittest had trouble adapting to the training and found it extremely challenging. if i could rank the difficulty level of the physical training of the three national service force, i'd rank scdf first, followed by the saf and lastly, the spf.

so i'm gonna go back to camp again and i'm really gonna miss my dearest :):):) and i hope i'd get used to all the training soon because it's really crazy. still, everything's fine and all because i get to see ilyas everyday and we can talk cock sing song play mahjong since he lives a few dorms away from me.

2008-06-20T15:41:00.004+08:00

hello.

i'm an arse because i made my girlfriend cry at three in the morning because i was stupid enough to question her love despite all the effort she made to vanish all my insecurities.

oh, and i'm gonna be working with my dad, yo!

how cool.

2008-06-14T02:17:00.006+08:00

i couldn't sleep yesterday night. not being able to sleep brings about thoughts which in turn, brings about realization. there is this certain conception that i will always be be stuck in the middle of everything i aspire for. that i can never reach for the highest no matter how hard i try. the realization of the fact that there is so much i can do, so limited, that i will never succeed even though i've tried my hardest. i've never been the person who takes risks, not after the fiasco at least. i think if you don't take risks in life, you probably won't succeed or achieve what you aspire for. when i say 'risks', i don't mean the fuck-all kind of risks, those insignificant financial risk-taking nonsense. i'm talking about life-changing risks. the kind of risks that you take to achieve your dream at the expense of something else so ordinary but at the same time, valuable. like, fuck everything else that is the norm and go crazy, the rockstar kind of risks where he cashes everything he owns to make it big kind of risks. if you fail and lose everything, then fuck it, tough luck. you have to lose to learn how to win. the learn-from-your-mistakes bullcrap which is invariably true to a certain extent. that's the problem with me essentially. i'm afraid of failing so much so that i tend to stay in my comfort zone.

(so dearest bestie, defy all the social and racial expectations, fuck them all and throw them into the bin because i think you two look great and happy together.)

thus, i'm gonna give an example of how i've been trying to be a risk-taker. in the spirit of the great singapore sale, i went shopping and wanted to get meself some good pair of extra sneakers which i don't need. i found a pair of airmax that i fell in love with but, somehow i felt that something was amiss and decided not to buy it. disappointed with my own decision, i went home feeling fucked. later on, i got home and found out that my jojo was sick, that she was sneezing and her eyes seemed teary. so we rushed her to the vet and the bill amounted to approximately a hundred bucks. so, by taking the risk of following my gut feeling, a kind of feline-human mental bluetooth of sorts between me and jojo, i prevented poor jojo from suffering more.

actually, baby had already addressed, resolved and gave her good two cents' on this random issue. it's just that i feel that i should record this somewhere because random thoughts are rare now that it's all national service.

2008-06-09T01:30:00.004+08:00

"wah baby you ate a lot ah today. later fat know?"

"oh in that case, do you like chubby girls?"

2008-06-01T01:57:00.003+08:00

so i was doing voluntary guard duty to escape the oc evening and it was all dandy because it was pretty much own time own target slackeroosting shit. fun stuff because meself and me mate had to do it at the ammo dump which was isolated and creepy and stuff, supposedly a haunted place. it was so out of place that starhub didn't have any network coverage over there (although i think it's just starhub being starhub piece of crap because singtel and m1 had the coverage as per usual) so i had my phone autoroamed to malaysia's celcom or maxis. i called up dearest because i missed her so and talked and talked and suddenly got cut off. i was pissed mad at me phone and all and tried calling her back and got her after 3 minutes of frantic redialing. the line got connected, she picked up and she said in a serious tone, "awak, just now when i tried to call you back right, i heard a woman's voice talking in malay, you know." i was scared shit because i was behind the ammo dump in the middle of the frikkin jungle rumoured to house the auntie in white so i was like, "har? really ah? eh don't scare me la please." so she replied, "really, really. the woman was saying in malay, nombor yang anda telah dial tidak dapat dihubungi (translated: the number that you have dialled cannot be reached)." i squinted my eyes and i was like, "you think you funny?"

i swear baby's super cute. at one in the morning, in the middle of the jungle, i laughed and was smiling silly.

2008-05-25T15:51:00.004+08:00

editted`

the embarrassing f.u.b.a.r post, scented carebear, ziplocked fedex kisses and amazing youknowwhat.

apart from the usual moody bouts that is a norm amongst them female species which i am happy to attend to, it's all smiles for me.

the truth is *pause here ala robert downey jr* i am paintballman.

and she says, "you have just been DE-NIED" haha.

2008-05-10T11:55:00.001+08:00

i love ______.

2008-05-04T09:57:00.001+08:00

"well you dawned on me and you bet I felt it
i tried to be chill but you so hot that i melted
i fell right through the cracks and i'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out i'll be givin it my bestest
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
i reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

but i won't hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait i'm yours"

2008-05-01T23:46:00.000+08:00

today i went :):):) because she surprised me silly. she chopped her hair off and she looks

so

fucken

hot.

2008-04-30T23:29:00.002+08:00

fucking hell i miss my chicken rice and my bed and my family and my jojo and my kfc and my mcdonald's and them fags. i don't know how i managed to survive 6 days without bathing and without shitting but i did.

finally, fedex kisses aren't as nice as the real ones. i miss you loads, babe.

2008-03-30T12:46:00.006+08:00

a few updates for a bit now.

i've realized army life is not for me. i can handle the physical training and all that but the regimental lifestyle of it all is seriously annoying. still, the people there are great and fun so it's all good. oh, and i met marcus low in camp and he's also doing his basic military training too so it's great to know that somebody i really really respect is suffering the same shit as i am. marcus chose to eat muslim food and i was like, whoa, this guy is for real. true, blue yishun secondary boy. it's all the malay influence over the years. he's chinese, he's a fucken good soccer player and he's attached to a malay girl.

somebody dear to me passed when i was in camp. i was disappointed with my parents for two things. first, they only decided to tell me about it much later when he actually passed six days before. they could have told me earlier when i did my calls in camp. second, they attempted to lie about the passing and only told me the truth when i probed further. i think if they are going to lie about this situation, when a bigger and a more serious situation crops up, the chances of them lying to me and not tell the truth would be higher. still, i'm taking it well maybe because i was never too attached with him in the first place.

oh well, it's back to the island again later so everything else is fuck all except of course my heavily anticipated weekend because that's the only thing that keeps me going throughout the week. only then can i do my usual oh-i-think-you-gained-weight or oh-i-think-you-lost-weight thing (but seriously i don't care if you gain or you lose weight because you look good either way).

p.s. yesterday was amazing.

2008-03-21T18:53:00.001+08:00

i enjoyed the rain today.

will miss you, sweets.

2008-03-11T01:11:00.003+08:00

:):):)

2008-03-09T22:27:00.003+08:00

we had a conversation about religion. i asked questions and challenged the teachings. later on, i got stung by a bee.

2008-03-04T14:52:00.002+08:00

i've never felt this low in months. this week will be a downward spiral to misery with the results on friday.

i'm sorry for everything.

2008-02-26T23:52:00.001+08:00

[-McChipy-] a.k. Khabir Khan the ultimate vibe.. says: hahaha
[-McChipy-] a.k. Khabir Khan the ultimate vibe.. says: eh wait ah..my mum screaming..got cockroach in her room
[-McChipy-] a.k. Khabir Khan the ultimate vibe.. says: i go kill first
[-McChipy-] a.k. Khabir Khan the ultimate vibe.. says: brb

2008-02-16T14:18:00.004+08:00

there are times, only during rare instances, when you receive text messages and the content of the messages makes you just wanna hug the sender and go, "that's like the most sweetest thing evah, thank you, thank youuu very much."

text messages usually bore me because they are short and replying them is a major hassle. but yesterday night, that was it. the rare instance.

2008-02-16T13:54:00.003+08:00

everytime i hear this song, i go all sad. i've been neglecting religion and i'm getting used to life without it.

2008-02-09T00:03:00.000+08:00

the pinky finger on my right hand is feeling numb. i think i'm missing somebody.

2008-02-07T13:26:00.000+08:00

"for you, a thousand times over."

2008-02-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

"Stupid on the streets of London,
James Dean in the rain."

2008-01-31T23:42:00.000+08:00

mrs dale totally made my day. she's prolly just another stranger but i'm like gonna remember her forever.

2008-01-31T11:19:00.000+08:00

I HAD TO DELETE SOME OF THE TAG MESSAGES ON MY TAGBOARD BECAUSE SOME OF THE MESSAGES WERE FROM AN ELITIST. I DON'T WANT ANY ELITIST STAINS ON MY BLOG BECAUSE I FUCKEN HATE (HYPOCRITICAL) ELITISTS AND THEIR SNOBBISH DEMEANOUR.

2008-01-30T23:20:00.000+08:00

the clock's counting down. i'm officially fucken scared of the results.

and lijin is happy because kids address her as 'cikgu'.

2008-01-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

so many older women, so little time.

2008-01-18T00:28:00.001+08:00

remi nicole is just like lily allen, only that she's slimmer. this song, rock n roll, is so rad, can? i love the accent. i'm thinking of really getting her album, instead of going pirate cos her songs are really fantastic.

2008-01-13T00:23:00.001+08:00

i'm attracted to domino harvey. she's lesbian and she's dead.

2008-01-11T03:20:00.000+08:00

jojo went missing when i got home two days ago and i frantically looked for her. i found her eventually on the second storey, hiding in some corner. so i was like, yay, she's safe and i'm gonna hug her good despite the potential fleas she might have picked up because i was so worried initially. so when i got home, i put her down, nagged at her for a bit, scolding her about wandering around any-o-how, how dangerous it is because some fanny-fucking tomcat might rape her or something, thus it's best if she stayed indoors. i put her down and like, called on her to follow me to the kitchen for her favourite tuna and mackerel because i know she was starving. then i realized, as she was trying to follow me, she was limping. i was like, omg what the hell happen to you. more worried than before, i felt like crying seeing her limp on her right front paw. so the next day, i brought her to the vet and the vet was like, it's prolly just a strain because jojo can still move around and everything so she should be alright in a matter of days. he gave her painkillers through an injection, jojo being a warrior, not even flinching when the needle got in and i'm so proud of her. i'm extremely glad she's gonna be alright but she's still limping now and i hope she won't limp anymore because i want her to be the hottest cat with the hottest catwalk in the neighbourhood.

2008-01-11T03:17:00.000+08:00

heike boon: intelligent, spunky and a hot lass.

she's in my list of idols, yo.

2008-01-07T02:10:00.000+08:00

happy birthday hani-star!