it's just one of those days when you realize that life has been good as hell, thanks to God, but you still can't get a good grasp of your faith because you start to see the big picture of the world, of societies and of flawed religious ideals in the most sickening way. then, you have doubts, if perhaps, you deserve all of the positive things that you have now.

being religious-conscious makes you forego everything else that you have in mind. it keeps you occupied and appreciate life as it is and you start to not give a fuck about other things.

but the thing is, i do want to give a fuck about other things.