i've been in loose contact with this fella through text messages because i mistook his number for a friend of my brother's. interaction with random what's-up-i'm-good messages, really. so this fella called me up today, wanted to know where i was but i couldn't recognize his voice because it was different from my brother's friend's so i asked him who he was. the guy told me he's aiman or something and i was like, aiman maner sak?, myself feeling super guilty deep inside because i have once again forgotten my friends. so this aiman was like, you're taufiq right? with karina? and i was like who the hell is karina so i told him straight up that i don't know any karina or any aiman for that matter in my life. he apologized, the call ended and i clarified with my brother regarding his friend's mobile phone number which was different from aiman's. so i was like, holy crap this is weird because i've been in contact with this fella, this stranger, for weeks now.

and i met sha-sha today, after her second attempt of deliverance from her family and realized that she is in a much deeper shit than i am. i have stress and pressure and all that fucking nonsense but what she's going through makes me look like a clit. the circumstances revolving around her makes her future seem shadowed and it's not the normal coconut tree kind of shadow. her's is the biggest fucking tree in the world kind of shadow. i'll give it to her though, my huge respect because she's taking it so well with and without her maturity, her audacity to do what she's doing at 18. where was i when i was 18? i remember it clearly, pissing on the whole world, society and the education system because it's fucked (i'm still doing it now) and not doing anything about it. so i've decided to help her any way i can, ease some of the burdens financially and emotionally and also hope that by doing so, i get to play a part in naming her baby, a girl, which probably will be along the lines of lily novi suhanah or milla novi suhanah.