nightmares come in your dreams. what if you wake up and find yourself living in a nightmare? there are a few options, of course. there's denial, which basically means you going back to sleep to escape from the nightmare and pretend that everything's fine, hoping that when you wake up, everything will be all good again. there's that defeatist attitude where you fuck every possible thing out there and just lie down on your bed, refusing to budge. finally, there's that choose-life option where you jump straight at what's in front of you and do whatever you can to make it less of a nightmare for yourself.

denial is when you go back to sleep pretending that nobody is calling you even though you strongly know that you're suppose to go for the meeting scheduled that afternoon. being in defeat mode is when you lock yourself in your room, lights all off, windows shut, staring at the ceiling whilst on your bed for days as if you're having a bad case of paralysis, without food or water, hoping that nobody would find out that you're locked inside, dying slowly. choosing life is when you wake up and you realize that you're in the middle of a cross-fire in what seems like a war and the only way out is to fucken shoot the other party or to bail at all costs. choosing life is when you wake up and you realize that your car is falling head-on into the river and you're punching the car window so hard because you don't want to sink along with the car into the very depth of no return. choosing life is when you wake up and you realize that you have a shitload of work to do, dozens of calls to make and a few hundred emails to reply and even know you can never complete all of it because it all keeps on piling, you know you have to at least clear as much work as you can.

today was the first time in my life when i woke up realizing that reality is a nightmare.