i see similar cases, deliberate or not and i can't help thinking how incredibly wretched ignorant actions can be. the thing is, most these actions are done for a reason and looking at the circumstances, i'm inclined to think that these actions are indeed justifiable.

today, i realized that i don't know what i want to do with my life. i've kissed my key to my future plans goodbye with another unattainable ambition, one extra failure of mine if you want to put it that way, that i've been hoping to achieve. this blows my ass off big time. it doesn't help that the guilt is piling up in the religious sector. i question life and God as much as i question the bush administration and when i do come to my senses, i'll be like, "what the fuck, i've wronged myself. i've wronged God." but that is only during a short span of time until i return to my fuck-all state of mind. i'm pressured by society's inclination to value conformism and this makes me want more material things when i've achieved what i want. the material wants doesn't stop and this is wrong in the context of Islam, isn't it?

dammit, my confidence is just a pretence because, fuck, i'm actually very vulnerable.