because i'm scum.

i don't have any fucking idea of what i really want in life.

after the fiasco, it was back at square one for me. targeting a five-year-plan, i pretty much have everything set for what i want to achieve academically, socially and personally. however, are these worldly goals really necessary?

my mates told me that i've changed over a short period of time. it was an almost certain decision on my part: i had to change. to be a loser or to be a winner. now, my morale is up on the high and pride is alive and kicking balls.

i definitely have something to prove to my family, to my mates, to my teachers and basically to society as a whole. i've picked myself up, armed with new strategies and good to go for my daily dealings. my way of living life might change, might be too extreme even but i have to fulfill it in such a manner because i am desperate for personal satisfaction.

and you can perhaps say that i am in fact craving attention.

recent happenings showed me how much of a huge fucker i (and how much others) can be. i don't want any of the hoo-hahs anymore and perhaps none of the stupid dramatic scenarios. i'm sticking with a mundane lifestyle of waking up, going to school with the regular occasional flirtatious episodes and tire myself out with soccer or working it out. when you're too exhausted, you will automatically switch yourself off from reality. and on a good day, i'd reward myself with frapps and a book regarding arab-israeli or middle eastern islamic commentary. that would be the ultimate icing on the cake.

seriously, no more.

because i'm scum.