spoilt.

and once again, i decided to dribble my saliva all over the couch of life's miserable truth. it's those silly questions that kill you when you just think that the world is not perfect as it should be taking into account of yourself in the picture: why can't things go that way? why can't things go my fucking way? why must things be this way?

call me a spoilt brat and i won't give a hoot. the truth speaks for itself - i AM a spoilt brat. materialistic, self-conscious, image-conscious, self-centered and particularly ignorant, i shite on everything if i don't get what i want. today for example, i made do with constant 'fuck-off's to arrogant malay aunties who refuse (or so i thought) to give me way when pavementing to 7/11. trivial and petty, i know.

maybe i was grumpy because my nap was cut short and i had to assume something which caught my eye. ranking system, failure and racial piss.

i think it gets fucked up when i start throwing tantrums sub-consciously and consciously to God. my life is modest enough or some might even see it as splendid. if blogs can reach to God (which i know it will), then i truly apologize. i am thankful for everything that God has given me.

not that i'm not enjoying it.

now, i certainly don't mean that i want to throw everything i have now. karma has a way of playing with you. the statements above is my realization of how i am religiously torn as a person. it's a liberal chance to open up to God about my own problems. there is no malice whatsoever directed towards God. so, i'm just praying hard that nothing shitty will happen with this. controversy is risky business.

still, i can't explain why i dislike everything about myself.

spoilt, i tell you.