mrs dale totally made my day. she's prolly just another stranger but i'm like gonna remember her forever.
taufiq posted at
11:42 PM
I HAD TO DELETE SOME OF THE TAG MESSAGES ON MY TAGBOARD BECAUSE SOME OF THE MESSAGES WERE FROM AN ELITIST. I DON'T WANT ANY ELITIST STAINS ON MY BLOG BECAUSE I FUCKEN HATE (HYPOCRITICAL) ELITISTS AND THEIR SNOBBISH DEMEANOUR.
taufiq posted at
11:19 AM
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
the clock's counting down. i'm officially fucken scared of the results.
and lijin is happy because kids address her as 'cikgu'.
and lijin is happy because kids address her as 'cikgu'.
taufiq posted at
11:20 PM
Sunday, January 20, 2008
so many older women, so little time.
taufiq posted at
11:21 PM
Friday, January 18, 2008
remi nicole is just like lily allen, only that she's slimmer. this song, rock n roll, is so rad, can? i love the accent. i'm thinking of really getting her album, instead of going pirate cos her songs are really fantastic.
taufiq posted at
12:28 AM
Sunday, January 13, 2008
i'm attracted to domino harvey. she's lesbian and she's dead.
i'm attracted to domino harvey. she's lesbian and she's dead.
taufiq posted at
12:23 AM
Friday, January 11, 2008
jojo went missing when i got home two days ago and i frantically looked for her. i found her eventually on the second storey, hiding in some corner. so i was like, yay, she's safe and i'm gonna hug her good despite the potential fleas she might have picked up because i was so worried initially. so when i got home, i put her down, nagged at her for a bit, scolding her about wandering around any-o-how, how dangerous it is because some fanny-fucking tomcat might rape her or something, thus it's best if she stayed indoors. i put her down and like, called on her to follow me to the kitchen for her favourite tuna and mackerel because i know she was starving. then i realized, as she was trying to follow me, she was limping. i was like, omg what the hell happen to you. more worried than before, i felt like crying seeing her limp on her right front paw. so the next day, i brought her to the vet and the vet was like, it's prolly just a strain because jojo can still move around and everything so she should be alright in a matter of days. he gave her painkillers through an injection, jojo being a warrior, not even flinching when the needle got in and i'm so proud of her. i'm extremely glad she's gonna be alright but she's still limping now and i hope she won't limp anymore because i want her to be the hottest cat with the hottest catwalk in the neighbourhood.
taufiq posted at
3:20 AM
heike boon: intelligent, spunky and a hot lass.
she's in my list of idols, yo.
she's in my list of idols, yo.
taufiq posted at
3:17 AM
Monday, January 07, 2008
happy birthday hani-star!
"will you still love me in the morning?"
"forever and ever, babe."
taufiq posted at
2:10 AM
"will you still love me in the morning?"
"forever and ever, babe."
taufiq posted at
1:55 AM
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
what a helluva year 2007 has been.
earlier on during the year, i had everything planned out, my life included. when i say everything, i really do mean everything. from my ambition after school to really making my move on that particular girl (you know who you are). i mean anything's possible, right? but plans are fucken plans and when circumstances change everything else changes.
i don't usually think back on things and try to figure out what will happen if i chose a different path. the past is history, what's done is done so thinking on hindsight is basically just a waste of time. but right on this one, i'd like to point out that i have no squalms or regrets about what i did on stage.
my whole fiasco altogether, if i could change it, is during the so-called math test. i would not have helped him if i could change back time. i think that's the turning point of it all. in my defense, i know nobody gives a fuck by now, i was sitting alone prior to the test at the other side of the classroom due to the awkward situation between my classmates. if i had minded my own business and if he had minded his, none of this would have had happened.
regarding to the stage face-off, people asked me why i just didn't give in, you know, suck his balls. of course, obviously due to my pride. and i believe he had his own. egoes clashed, somebody had to win and he did. another reason and i think nobody would give a fuck by now, is my very own credibility. i go on stage, confess that i cheated on a so-called test when i was helping my friend out and apologize, i'd be fucking my credibility as a person till it bleeds. nobody would believe me when i explain my side since i'm a cheat. what pains me is the fact that (i believe) i have never cheated in any tests at all in my education years. sure, copying assignments. but cheating on a test? i just don't do it. in all fairness, as an ex-art student, i believe in originality. so what i've done all these years, being the most innocent, nerdiest motherfucker in school, not cheating during tests is what, some fucken bullshit? so i should have cheated in all my tests then, up to this level of education? i didn't care about the consequences. i did, but i thought long and hard about it and told myself that i was gonna be okay if i did get expelled, which i eventually did.
post-fiasco, i could have salvaged some things but i chose not to. i never did told any teachers that i helped my friend out because i thought, well, if he goes down, i'd go down along with him. we're classmates and friends aren't we? i didn't regret that, standing up for my friend and tons others who probably did the same thing during tests. could have begged and cried for my place in school but didn't.
i lost my place in the soccer team which i gladly accepted because we weren't winning. we sucked and i couldn't take the emotional pressure, really. first match of the tournament, before i got kicked out of the team, it was against mjc i think, was probably the most fucked up day of the year. i had to go through the thought of potentially ruining my life with expulsion and we were trailing 4-0 to mjc. it didn't help with the bald buttfucker from mjc who was taunting us. i swear to God, and i'm not lying on this, that i wanted to break down and cry in the middle of the pitch because i was so fucked up with everything that is going on.
had fallouts with some of my close friends soon after and i thought what the fuck is going on with me. what is extremely unbelievable is the reason for the fallout which is a total laugh. as far as they are concerned, nothing can be done. there will be awkwardness and we will never be as close to each other as we did before.
i lost some friends and gained some. not gained per se, well, got back to. the greatest realization of all is my neglect to my old friends. i was such a jerk for being an arrogant arse, forgetting my other close friends who eventually were the ones who backed me up and gave me the psychological support. before the whole thing, i thought i could rely on my close friends in school for help. turned out, it was the people i barely knew who helped me out but nonetheless, some of the close ones did help me and i'm grateful for that.
what really got me by surprise is the exams. the exams were do-able and i can safely say that i was more confident after the exams than before. i was taken aback emotionally. i thought the sad and depressing period was over. took the exams in njc. the first thing was the fact i'm taking the exams with a rich group who are supposedly an elite bunch which really affected my self-esteem. these kids are seriously in a league of their own. they are potential professionals who will hold kickass jobs. they're just fucken insane students and i respect them. during the papers, they wrote none-stop like fucken robots in a clockwork, which is why they're in njc in the first place. efficient motherfuckers, those kids. you don't see that in yjc. half of them will be either stopping to think over something or asking for a toilet break. the positive thing is the fact that it gave me a kind of positive competition. i'm not gonna lose out on these fuckers, i thought to myself. secondly, seeing them going through the exams together with their friends, giving each other support before and after the papers. i could have been with my friends, in the same situation making the exams less of a pain in the ass for all of us. with those things in mind, it was depressing as hell. after the gp paper, i wanted to seriously break down. i told myself to just bear with it and go through with it properly since it was only for a two weeks. it got better, thankfully with the papers and seeing some familiar faces there, not forgetting the girl with the gorgeous butt, a senior from yjc.
i'm so sick of people telling me that things happen for a reason because i think that's a load of crap. and the blessing in disguise thing is rubbish as well. the more i think about it, the more depressed i got. but, i guess it's partly, the keyword here is "partly", true. i mean, if i the fiasco didn't happen, i'd get myself into trouble in a larger scale, with the government perhaps. i'm sort of an activist by nature and after the fiasco, i wouldn't wanna get myself into the same trouble again. i'm not gonna go through an emotional roller-coaster and try to become a hero or something because nobody gives a fuck in the end. sure, all hype just after the thing but it'll die out in a matter of weeks.
religious-wise, i'm seriously fucked. people who are atheists and agnostic can be as successful so religion is nothing right? i'm not an unbeliever, just sceptical and i'm still a semi-practicing muslim. the only vice is probably smoking for now and i've been keeping away from alcohol amongst other thing since i've not been praying much. i mean, gotta keep the sin level on a low, you know. i hope i'd see some kind of light, seriously, to get back on track. i wish somebody, i don't care if the person is a stranger, would show me the way.
i've got to thank only three teachers who did try to check on me after the fiasco. the other teachers, i don't blame them. i'm not gonna whine or anything like that because i know that they're only protecting their interests, their jobs and their asses ultimately. i'm not worthy enough to be protected at the expense of their jobs. also, i'm still a yjc-ian through and through. i did not join the school for nothing. no regrets at all on that because i cherished the experience, the teachers and the people. i'm just more sad that i did not graduate from the school properly.
one final thing to get off my chest is about the very guy who expelled me. it kills me to know that he talks about integrity a helluva lot but he lied to the whole school about not knowing that i got expelled. i guess it was damage control and i don't blame him either. it was just another school politic. also, the fact that he refused to do his own share of apology for his own fiasco was just low. when some of them in yjc told me about it, i could only shake my head. the case of double standard. i'm shaking my head and sighing as i'm typing this right now. well, what's new, huh? welcome to the real fucken world. dog eat dog. survival of the fittest. survive-at-all-costs-basis.
i hoped i've matured from the experience. i know some of my friends have said that i did. i have certainly grown up, less naive and more careful. the year has been so dramatic. it's like my very own equivalent of the OC or something. i'm more self-conscious now, the potential stigma of a school dropout but i've come to realize that other people are going through more of a shit than i am. shit just happens, you know.
well, there you go. the summary of 2007. the most honest post in this blog by far, apart from my eljay, since most of the stuff in this blog is mostly exaggerated. i hope 2008 would be better.
earlier on during the year, i had everything planned out, my life included. when i say everything, i really do mean everything. from my ambition after school to really making my move on that particular girl (you know who you are). i mean anything's possible, right? but plans are fucken plans and when circumstances change everything else changes.
i don't usually think back on things and try to figure out what will happen if i chose a different path. the past is history, what's done is done so thinking on hindsight is basically just a waste of time. but right on this one, i'd like to point out that i have no squalms or regrets about what i did on stage.
my whole fiasco altogether, if i could change it, is during the so-called math test. i would not have helped him if i could change back time. i think that's the turning point of it all. in my defense, i know nobody gives a fuck by now, i was sitting alone prior to the test at the other side of the classroom due to the awkward situation between my classmates. if i had minded my own business and if he had minded his, none of this would have had happened.
regarding to the stage face-off, people asked me why i just didn't give in, you know, suck his balls. of course, obviously due to my pride. and i believe he had his own. egoes clashed, somebody had to win and he did. another reason and i think nobody would give a fuck by now, is my very own credibility. i go on stage, confess that i cheated on a so-called test when i was helping my friend out and apologize, i'd be fucking my credibility as a person till it bleeds. nobody would believe me when i explain my side since i'm a cheat. what pains me is the fact that (i believe) i have never cheated in any tests at all in my education years. sure, copying assignments. but cheating on a test? i just don't do it. in all fairness, as an ex-art student, i believe in originality. so what i've done all these years, being the most innocent, nerdiest motherfucker in school, not cheating during tests is what, some fucken bullshit? so i should have cheated in all my tests then, up to this level of education? i didn't care about the consequences. i did, but i thought long and hard about it and told myself that i was gonna be okay if i did get expelled, which i eventually did.
post-fiasco, i could have salvaged some things but i chose not to. i never did told any teachers that i helped my friend out because i thought, well, if he goes down, i'd go down along with him. we're classmates and friends aren't we? i didn't regret that, standing up for my friend and tons others who probably did the same thing during tests. could have begged and cried for my place in school but didn't.
i lost my place in the soccer team which i gladly accepted because we weren't winning. we sucked and i couldn't take the emotional pressure, really. first match of the tournament, before i got kicked out of the team, it was against mjc i think, was probably the most fucked up day of the year. i had to go through the thought of potentially ruining my life with expulsion and we were trailing 4-0 to mjc. it didn't help with the bald buttfucker from mjc who was taunting us. i swear to God, and i'm not lying on this, that i wanted to break down and cry in the middle of the pitch because i was so fucked up with everything that is going on.
had fallouts with some of my close friends soon after and i thought what the fuck is going on with me. what is extremely unbelievable is the reason for the fallout which is a total laugh. as far as they are concerned, nothing can be done. there will be awkwardness and we will never be as close to each other as we did before.
i lost some friends and gained some. not gained per se, well, got back to. the greatest realization of all is my neglect to my old friends. i was such a jerk for being an arrogant arse, forgetting my other close friends who eventually were the ones who backed me up and gave me the psychological support. before the whole thing, i thought i could rely on my close friends in school for help. turned out, it was the people i barely knew who helped me out but nonetheless, some of the close ones did help me and i'm grateful for that.
what really got me by surprise is the exams. the exams were do-able and i can safely say that i was more confident after the exams than before. i was taken aback emotionally. i thought the sad and depressing period was over. took the exams in njc. the first thing was the fact i'm taking the exams with a rich group who are supposedly an elite bunch which really affected my self-esteem. these kids are seriously in a league of their own. they are potential professionals who will hold kickass jobs. they're just fucken insane students and i respect them. during the papers, they wrote none-stop like fucken robots in a clockwork, which is why they're in njc in the first place. efficient motherfuckers, those kids. you don't see that in yjc. half of them will be either stopping to think over something or asking for a toilet break. the positive thing is the fact that it gave me a kind of positive competition. i'm not gonna lose out on these fuckers, i thought to myself. secondly, seeing them going through the exams together with their friends, giving each other support before and after the papers. i could have been with my friends, in the same situation making the exams less of a pain in the ass for all of us. with those things in mind, it was depressing as hell. after the gp paper, i wanted to seriously break down. i told myself to just bear with it and go through with it properly since it was only for a two weeks. it got better, thankfully with the papers and seeing some familiar faces there, not forgetting the girl with the gorgeous butt, a senior from yjc.
i'm so sick of people telling me that things happen for a reason because i think that's a load of crap. and the blessing in disguise thing is rubbish as well. the more i think about it, the more depressed i got. but, i guess it's partly, the keyword here is "partly", true. i mean, if i the fiasco didn't happen, i'd get myself into trouble in a larger scale, with the government perhaps. i'm sort of an activist by nature and after the fiasco, i wouldn't wanna get myself into the same trouble again. i'm not gonna go through an emotional roller-coaster and try to become a hero or something because nobody gives a fuck in the end. sure, all hype just after the thing but it'll die out in a matter of weeks.
religious-wise, i'm seriously fucked. people who are atheists and agnostic can be as successful so religion is nothing right? i'm not an unbeliever, just sceptical and i'm still a semi-practicing muslim. the only vice is probably smoking for now and i've been keeping away from alcohol amongst other thing since i've not been praying much. i mean, gotta keep the sin level on a low, you know. i hope i'd see some kind of light, seriously, to get back on track. i wish somebody, i don't care if the person is a stranger, would show me the way.
i've got to thank only three teachers who did try to check on me after the fiasco. the other teachers, i don't blame them. i'm not gonna whine or anything like that because i know that they're only protecting their interests, their jobs and their asses ultimately. i'm not worthy enough to be protected at the expense of their jobs. also, i'm still a yjc-ian through and through. i did not join the school for nothing. no regrets at all on that because i cherished the experience, the teachers and the people. i'm just more sad that i did not graduate from the school properly.
one final thing to get off my chest is about the very guy who expelled me. it kills me to know that he talks about integrity a helluva lot but he lied to the whole school about not knowing that i got expelled. i guess it was damage control and i don't blame him either. it was just another school politic. also, the fact that he refused to do his own share of apology for his own fiasco was just low. when some of them in yjc told me about it, i could only shake my head. the case of double standard. i'm shaking my head and sighing as i'm typing this right now. well, what's new, huh? welcome to the real fucken world. dog eat dog. survival of the fittest. survive-at-all-costs-basis.
i hoped i've matured from the experience. i know some of my friends have said that i did. i have certainly grown up, less naive and more careful. the year has been so dramatic. it's like my very own equivalent of the OC or something. i'm more self-conscious now, the potential stigma of a school dropout but i've come to realize that other people are going through more of a shit than i am. shit just happens, you know.
well, there you go. the summary of 2007. the most honest post in this blog by far, apart from my eljay, since most of the stuff in this blog is mostly exaggerated. i hope 2008 would be better.
taufiq posted at
12:00 AM