hello.

i'm an arse because i made my girlfriend cry at three in the morning because i was stupid enough to question her love despite all the effort she made to vanish all my insecurities.

oh, and i'm gonna be working with my dad, yo!

how cool.

i couldn't sleep yesterday night. not being able to sleep brings about thoughts which in turn, brings about realization. there is this certain conception that i will always be be stuck in the middle of everything i aspire for. that i can never reach for the highest no matter how hard i try. the realization of the fact that there is so much i can do, so limited, that i will never succeed even though i've tried my hardest. i've never been the person who takes risks, not after the fiasco at least. i think if you don't take risks in life, you probably won't succeed or achieve what you aspire for. when i say 'risks', i don't mean the fuck-all kind of risks, those insignificant financial risk-taking nonsense. i'm talking about life-changing risks. the kind of risks that you take to achieve your dream at the expense of something else so ordinary but at the same time, valuable. like, fuck everything else that is the norm and go crazy, the rockstar kind of risks where he cashes everything he owns to make it big kind of risks. if you fail and lose everything, then fuck it, tough luck. you have to lose to learn how to win. the learn-from-your-mistakes bullcrap which is invariably true to a certain extent. that's the problem with me essentially. i'm afraid of failing so much so that i tend to stay in my comfort zone.

(so dearest bestie, defy all the social and racial expectations, fuck them all and throw them into the bin because i think you two look great and happy together.)

thus, i'm gonna give an example of how i've been trying to be a risk-taker. in the spirit of the great singapore sale, i went shopping and wanted to get meself some good pair of extra sneakers which i don't need. i found a pair of airmax that i fell in love with but, somehow i felt that something was amiss and decided not to buy it. disappointed with my own decision, i went home feeling fucked. later on, i got home and found out that my jojo was sick, that she was sneezing and her eyes seemed teary. so we rushed her to the vet and the bill amounted to approximately a hundred bucks. so, by taking the risk of following my gut feeling, a kind of feline-human mental bluetooth of sorts between me and jojo, i prevented poor jojo from suffering more.

actually, baby had already addressed, resolved and gave her good two cents' on this random issue. it's just that i feel that i should record this somewhere because random thoughts are rare now that it's all national service.

Monday, June 09, 2008

"wah baby you ate a lot ah today. later fat know?"

"oh in that case, do you like chubby girls?"

Sunday, June 01, 2008

so i was doing voluntary guard duty to escape the oc evening and it was all dandy because it was pretty much own time own target slackeroosting shit. fun stuff because meself and me mate had to do it at the ammo dump which was isolated and creepy and stuff, supposedly a haunted place. it was so out of place that starhub didn't have any network coverage over there (although i think it's just starhub being starhub piece of crap because singtel and m1 had the coverage as per usual) so i had my phone autoroamed to malaysia's celcom or maxis. i called up dearest because i missed her so and talked and talked and suddenly got cut off. i was pissed mad at me phone and all and tried calling her back and got her after 3 minutes of frantic redialing. the line got connected, she picked up and she said in a serious tone, "awak, just now when i tried to call you back right, i heard a woman's voice talking in malay, you know." i was scared shit because i was behind the ammo dump in the middle of the frikkin jungle rumoured to house the auntie in white so i was like, "har? really ah? eh don't scare me la please." so she replied, "really, really. the woman was saying in malay, nombor yang anda telah dial tidak dapat dihubungi (translated: the number that you have dialled cannot be reached)." i squinted my eyes and i was like, "you think you funny?"

i swear baby's super cute. at one in the morning, in the middle of the jungle, i laughed and was smiling silly.