for the past few days, i pretended to be brosnan's lonely character who plays a jaded hitman (not that i wanted to kill anybody) in the matador for the sheer indulgence in self-pity because i love it. i am not happy. grandpa has cancer and it's sick that everybody's waiting for him to ring the alarm and i couldn't care less about them. i simply don't. the same goes to the realization over the fact that i've been a world class arse but i've got my reasons and i'm banking on some pseudo-psychic thing so that the message gets across. maybe i'll make the issue clear one day, say, on the 5th of never. and hey, the tourney's coming so go crazy. seriously, i will go crazy, like skipping my afternoon lessons just to run around the track in my boxers at 12 pm, believe me, if we do well in the tourney which i doubt we will because i don't think we will. soccer, fuck, i hate it because it's my only remedy.

"Light touch my hand,
in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on.
You can forget our future plans.
Night touch my hand with the turning Golden Skans,
From the night and the light,
all plans are golden in your hand.

Set sail from sense, bring all her young.
Set sail from where we once begun.
While we wait, while we wait. "

klaxon's golden skans. hello, i'm turning to indie music.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

friday was uber awesome with birthday celebration part 1 and part 2. we presented them with some crazy stuff to commemorate their birthday before and after training. to johnny tanteng (the guy whose eyes are too small that it seems like they're closed but they're not, first row on the left) and shahril (the fella who thinks patrick star is hot, 2nd row in the center): happy birthday!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

a bunch of arses on msn. john started it.

nan, you're a window SHOPPA.

the accent, dress and trainers. chic!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

the freckles, the short hair, the fbi role in 'heroes' and the gorgeous name. hello, clea duvall.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

that kind of fuzzy-good adrenaline.

oh my goshes you cannot believe the amount of training schedule i am having that i am seriously starting to dread. it pains to know that perhaps all the sacrifices made might, in the end, amount to nothing. heck, bring it on, i have already prepared myself mentally for a period of demoralization come end of march.

so today, ilyas was like, "how can anything come out from nothing? how did things just appear in the first place?" by golly, i am guilty of being the ignorant muslim myself and he had to ask such a toughie. early last year, this dude was the one who preached the life-is-useless sentiments and asked questions like, "why do we live?" or, "what is the purpose of doing things when you die in the end?" he has simmered down a bit over the months and now he is back at it again. maybe it is just one of those days when too much thought is set on the world or maybe it is the mundane lifestyle set with the stressful workload. life has been good to me for the past few weeks so i tried to rebutt his arguments as much as i was able to. but dammit, this cynicism on life is contagious especially when things are not going your way. this guy, he is as bitter as fuck and being bitter is good. it makes you feel like you got a helluva beating by life and you have survived it.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

"I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free"

another itchy reiteration.

see here.

"whenever i want you, all i do is dream."

Thursday, March 01, 2007

my buddy zhang shuai got me a flag of people's republic of china!

"Droll thing life is - that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a futile purpose."