maybe it's purely psychological that i suddenly feel a change in myself. i've never felt better and my confidence is really having a good time. i guess i have to thank ath because i was like, "eh, you better pray for me when you're there," and sure enough, things are going about nicely after she came back from saudi. it's nice to wake up and realize that you're dictating your own emotions.

you know, it's intensely ironic how my name 'taufiq' essentially means 'a helping hand' but i, at my own shortcomings, need all the help in the world to live my life.

or maybe... maybe i'm just mental.

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Sergeant Stiffy

What's Your Porn Star Name?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

i went for a jog today and following that, a dip at the swimming complex. so i was enjoying the pool and everything when this guy came up to me and asked for my number.

knnb ccb, fuck, bloody bollocks, cunt-ish son of a bitch. you think i'm gay, is it?!!!

that's it, man. i will never go to the swimming complex again. ever.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

high school musical is a sham.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

these lads are making it big in the hip-hop scene with their recent success in getting apprenticeships by the noise singapore movement with nick chan as their mentor. other than that, they've also been featured and interviewed by two radio stations and done gigs that are as cool as hell. go psykos!

it's really rubbish that i should repeat this but it's really an awesome feeling seeing your mates that you always have soccer with, been together with for a few years of education and talking shat with, rising up to shine. there are other people, such as kimmy who has also done a few appearances for mediacorp and senior soccer players who are in the national team, like jeremy chiang and fazrul nawaz and i'm so proud of all of them.

i hope it's mutual, the feelings of sheer warmth and comfort that are shared, because it certainly has been a while since i had any of it.

it's that fuzzy thing flying around in the stomach like blue butterflies.

Monday, June 19, 2006

"the lad seemed to be running in circles. it was his way of killing time. the actual fact though, was dead set on the table: he wanted to make himself feel excellent. there was no other way he could waste his life off. perhaps there are other alternatives: go on an emotional rampage of a major killing frenzy with an ak-47, become a gay activist, pick his nose all day long, etcetera. but no, an ak-47 would be too bloody expensive for him, he's not gay and picking his nose would not at all do justice to all the stray cats in the world. besides, all the other alternatives are according to him, un-awesome as compared to say, becoming a kickass rockstar or a soccer player or a writer of guy ritchie's equivalent. so there he was was panting, pitting his muscles and sweat set during his targeted length of time, tiring himself so that he can sleep like a monkey drunk on a dozen bottles of rotten scotch later on at night. he wanted to achieve that robust physical stature that would make women swoon and that he would be proud, ultimately, of himself. moist of his mineral matter, some of it probably fats from yesterday's kfc meal drips off his body. he was breathing hard as he tells himself that that should be enough for that day. he lights a stick of tobacco as he faced the shower cap, closed his eyes and waited for that cold smack of h20 to meet his face and hair. it was freedom - for him at least. it was intensely ironic, his actions of keeping 'fit' and the action of degrading his health. so sense-Less. so fucking meaning-Less. but he's enjoying every moment of it."

Sunday, June 18, 2006

okay so it was my usual jogging session at the park (and i thank God for my performance because i can feel my fitness back up again despite my stints). during the jog, i saw a foreign worker, possibly a sri lankan, sitting on one of the benches. i was surprised that he was still there when i was heading home. i walked past him and seeing him forlorn and alone really got me thinking. he came here to earn some money for his family, in a place foreign to him, working his ass off at the expense of his life because there he was on a sunday night, sitting alone without the comfort of his family when he goes home because he would probably be sleeping in a shit ass container or something. i swear, if i were to be in his shoes, i wouldn't last a day. the scene was so depressing that it was ironically picture perfect with him sitting alone on the bench made of marble, cross-legged, staring down, showing solitary at it's best. one might wonder what was in his mind. life certainly is a bitch.

iran vs portugal

tauf-of-ark. says:
cristiano scored.

tauf-of-ark. says:
penalty.

tauf-of-ark. says:
fuck man

tauf-of-ark. says:
fuck

tauf-of-ark. says:
fuck

tauf-of-ark. says:
fuck

tauf-of-ark. says:
i think i better light one cigg already

dear diary, my teen angst has a body count says:
eh dont la

tauf-of-ark. says:
nothing can stop me.

tauf-of-ark. says:
a heartbroken man is unstoppable.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

i want demand a kitten for my birthday.

Monday, June 12, 2006

okay, hanis tagged me. so ghey, man. what the heck, let's just get this done and over with:

Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 weird facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

No tag backs.

1. i spend $3.00 everyday on chocolate donuts, chocolate cupcakes and tea from the usual shops everyday.
2. i have a vast collection of the japanese manga titled detective conan.
3. i still have my favourite pillow since i-don't-know-when to put me to sleep every night.
4. i think i think a lot.
5. i don't like my butt.
6. i have a 22-year-old local hero who is a sarcastically witty and bitter bitch - who i might add, writes awesome stuff - named airina.

The 5 chosen ones:

• daryl
• karsten
• airina
• ilyas
• ass-mara

i did 10 laps and a couple of 200s today with tintin on a partly empty stomach. it was nauseously thrilling.

i so need to get back on the track and get back to the gym and stop with the chocolate donuts.

losing the abs is so not cool lor.

oh, and stop with the stints. like, really stop.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

on a hot day, this would burn me:

short hair on a 1.68-ish oriental lady, wearing a simple tee, FBTs and flip-flops and equipped with them gorgeous legs.

i ate a lot in malacca. of course, the statement above was inspired by the trip there too. she was prolly singaporean as well.

Friday, June 09, 2006

"his head was empty. in the middle of the night, on the stool he sat, moving nothing but occasionally the arm of his for a few puff of the stick. no, he was not depressed. not at all sad. this is the case of individual blankness and the further realization of nothingness of life. nothing, is a superficial word. however, nothing is absolutely wrong with him. perhaps he was confused by everything around him, by in itself, life. the fm stereo aired a poppy tune in the background of his room. his thoughts diverted towards how it is oh-so-uncool to be listening to poppy-jazzy-ish tune but the potential thought of piercing guitars or killer screaming (or moaning) did not fancy him. his mind now debated about the last puff of his. three quarter of it wanted every inch of tobacco gone but the other quarter considered the health factor in its stride. the lad ignored his mind because, heck, there is always another stick to go by. at that, he chuckled to himself. ha-ha. soon, the butt flew out his window and he fell to his bed. he switched on his brain albeit the rusty after-affect of the stick and considered that maybe he ought to get a life. but his life, is of nothingness. nothing, is a superficial word. however, nothing is absolutely wrong with him."

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Taufiq!
Taufiq, Taufiq bo Baufiq Bonana fanna fo Faufiq
Fee fy mo Maufiq,
Taufiq!~

so i was with the skinheads today via my cousin who knew them. quite an experience, really. a bunch of funny guys with their very own ideology. they made me feel part of them despite 'looking' so different. there was also this kevin fella who was chinese amongst the many malays and i was utterly surprised. these people, they have the same mindset and everything except that they have their very own principles. i have such a huge amount of respect for them and i guess that these groups of non-conformists are often misunderstood. okay, so amidst the chilling session, there was a slight thrill when two other skinheads came running towards us saying they were attacked by some dudes. they were determined to find the assailants and went in search while me and my cousin just chilled on.

to end off an interesting day, when i was walking home,

i saw a butt so perfect it made me cry.

this, i swear. and the lady had short hair too! i know of some people who might have or come close to have the 'perfect butt' and i would die when they have their hair short.

Monday, June 05, 2006

cost of birthday cake: $25.00

cost of lighter: $0.70

cost of a gomez, shahril and john looking silly: $0.00

cost of laundry: $6.00

cost of us ourselves taking a deep breath when stepping into the neoprint shop knowing that we will in effect lose our manhood and we will be looking ridiculously gay but braved ourselves anyway just to show our appreciation for mark toh soon long: PRICELESS.

ohohoho.

lame, man! so the bash had soon long covered with cake. following the initial sabotage, we had a game of cat and mouse around the school, with soon long taking a chase at everyone for revenge. i got out scott-free (because i was fast enough to lose him) but he did got me gasping for air when i finally managed to hide in both the male and female toilet during two separate moments. the next procedure of birthday-boy-saboh-ing came when andrew managed to grab hold of him and i pinned him down ala jason statham in the movie the transporter 2. what happened next? well, tomato paste, cadbury cocoa and more cake dumped into his mouth.

awesome day, man.

and to soon long: happy 18th!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

a medley of photos, esther-inspired:

and yesterday was an act of mental suicide. well, actually, it's quite a daily affair.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

i have unnecessary thoughts in my mind, almost all of it trivial and insignificant. i guess that is the main reason why i am, at most times, bitter. maybe that comes along with my solitary nature, an introverted personality of sorts minus the shyness because don't get me wrong, i can speak up when i need to.

maybe i should stop thinking altogether.

and stop with the chocolate donuts. i think i'm addicted to chocolate donuts.