to God and to me.

bloody sinner.

many thanks to shan wee of 98.7fm for choosing my story for his trackbacking segment.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

of all the malay day wishes received, airina's was the awesomest:

"happy raya and all that jazz."

Monday, October 23, 2006

at the wake of malay day, this made me laugh.

fine. pin more false hopes.

here's the 19th century life re-enactment during the napoleonic struggle, before and after the battle of waterloo.

i was inspired.

lovely.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

i've got eljay.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

hanis calls it an itch.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

"It's even dark in the daytime
It's not just good - it's Great Depression."

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

the wonderful experience:

of teasing, of crying, of coaxing, of warm embrace and of randomness.

"who's the woman?"

"oh, she's the mopping lady. she, well, mops stuff."

Monday, October 16, 2006

i see similar cases, deliberate or not and i can't help thinking how incredibly wretched ignorant actions can be. the thing is, most these actions are done for a reason and looking at the circumstances, i'm inclined to think that these actions are indeed justifiable.

today, i realized that i don't know what i want to do with my life. i've kissed my key to my future plans goodbye with another unattainable ambition, one extra failure of mine if you want to put it that way, that i've been hoping to achieve. this blows my ass off big time. it doesn't help that the guilt is piling up in the religious sector. i question life and God as much as i question the bush administration and when i do come to my senses, i'll be like, "what the fuck, i've wronged myself. i've wronged God." but that is only during a short span of time until i return to my fuck-all state of mind. i'm pressured by society's inclination to value conformism and this makes me want more material things when i've achieved what i want. the material wants doesn't stop and this is wrong in the context of Islam, isn't it?

dammit, my confidence is just a pretence because, fuck, i'm actually very vulnerable.

hanis: btw, there's this guy in school who looks a lot like you sia. freaky.

me: no kidding! is he hot?

Sunday, October 15, 2006

you're still my heart's overkill.

nothing has changed.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

what a drama queen.

Monday, October 09, 2006

it had occurred to me how muslims are separated by two extremes. we've got the radical extremists, jihadians at one end and at the other, apathetic muslims (like me) who basically couldn't care less or who wish not to get deeply involved with affairs pertaining to the current happenings. these radical kids, a large number of them from the middle east and even some migrants residing in europe, goes through a brainwashing process, misled in a massive way that they'd probably have animosities towards western culture come 12-years-old. and in singapore for example, we've got kids who preach indifferent whatevers, not giving a flying hoot about Islam, growing up to be blind followers.

why can't there be moderates or a neutral group per se? is Islam limited to only these two extremes? a more conscientious group should exist so that the image of, arguably, the most beautiful religion stays proper. the image of Islam is tainted enough to send fear to the world.

other major religions need no image reforms with the modern stereotypes. christianity has been the cool and the 'in' thing, catholicism has the pope to represent them and intriguing controversies strong enough to keep critics on the surface. and judaism, well, who wants to touch them jews knowing the kind of influence they have on the world, their military might and the well-acknowledged fact they are a talented group of individuals who have a million ideas up their sleeves?

the future of Islam with the younger generation of muslims looks bleak with potentially no capable individual to lead the muslims. in other words, we're fucked.

goshes, i've been posting shats of my take on religious opinions.

must stop.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

15 days down. my mom's like, 15 days already?! time flies! negative, mom, i'm suffering here. Ramadhan is giving me a knack of a time with all the physical, psychological and spiritual whathaveyous. i've not been properly fasting. i mean, sure, i'm really taking the part about not eating and drinking and fagging into my stride but i've been keeping the vulgarity part intact. the optional prayers, my gosh, has been inconsistent. skipped like what, 5 nights of optional prayers? and come the next two weeks, during the weekdays, i'll prolly be mugging my ass off at night so yeah, prayers away.

i don't know. i've been skeptical about these religious issues. i've gone through shite strong enough to change my perspective. bad memories stick with you, they do. and you question things when shat hits you badly even though you feel you've been trying to be a decent person.

well, been horny of late, for some apparent reason. and i want a tattoo.

and yay, hanis is back after one long-ass hiatus.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Friday, October 06, 2006

i'm jaded.

Monday, October 02, 2006

short hair, yummyliciously chic.