i'm just a crosshair

Bacon
Which Character From Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels Are You?

You are Turkish! You're trying to keep a look out for your
friend, Tommy and at the same time trying not to get
killed and fed to the pigs. You reckoned that
you were "proper fucked" severals times.
Well, in the end, what do you know about diamonds?

Which Snatch Character are you?

jason statham, ewan mcgregor and bucky katt rocks sock!

misunderstandings are so frequent recently that they are exaggerated. maybe i'm hearing only one side of the story so i can't make any form of justification just as yet. i certainly know that i am the one at fault, with the source of problem from my very own blog a few weeks ago. i was merely being myself.

i mean, i treat my female-mates in my school like normal friends. the casual friendly touch, hand-over-the-shoulder-gesture, the charming talk (or 'flirtatious', if you must), the harmless hug, etcetera. heck, i do use my array of vulgarities when i'm with them too. no, it's not me being that cosmopolitan or the metrosexual or that gay-straight fuck. it's just the nature of things around myself with my classmates being predominantly female.

i'm an arts student, dude. maybe you're too conservative.

or maybe i'm too unorthodox.

bottomline is, i know that i am at fault. there is no use for arguments, really and i should respect your point of view. if anything, i will watch the line and try not to cross it as far as possible. and you should cut her some slack, yeah?

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

scummy, man.

okays,

(i think) i'm holding up well.

"Pulling in and giving her the dry,"

fuck.

and my sore throat isn't exactly helping.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

you are not gonna die in two days.

khairi is one crazy-assed bugger. apart from being insanely fucked religiously, he told me that he has days, approximately one day from the time i'm posting this now, to live. i had a long and decent chat with him with the idea of convincing him that all those i-have-a-few-days-to-live issues are shites and are mere paranoia.

he asked me on what i would personally do if i had two days to live. i gave out the supposedly correct answers; bid my mates farewell, spend time with family, chionging religiously, yadda yadda yadda.

and then, he shot out something that got me thinking:

"dude, if, by your religious understanding, you don't know when you will die, heck you might even die in an hour's time, why don't you do what you plan to do if you had two days to live NOW?"

i'm not exactly mister religious but this dude really made sense. we procrastinate in our daily dealings in life especially in the way we practice our religion. we don't know for sure when our expiry date is but we act like we have millions of years to go. should there be a true entity (well i know there is), why don't we strive to try to impress?

curses to the devil.

as for khairi, i really hope he doesn't die as he predicted. i really think it has got to do with the heavy music he listens to.

hilary duff doesn't talk about death, now does she?

Thursday, January 19, 2006

the tatt.

martina is a cool (and a hot) lass because she has a tattoo on her left arm. i did a proper tatt check and i can assure and confirm that it's real.

so fucking awesome. my classmate has a tattoo.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

a coincidental rendezvous.

a coincidental rendezvous when,
i saw her as a pair,
ammunitioned myself with a smile;
getting ready.

she saw me, glanced at me (or at least i think she did);
we were a few steps away,
to meet,
to greet,
to maybe say 'hello'.

and we were parallel to each other,
her face looking away,
i pulled the trigger,
in such agony,
just to get shot by oblivion,
disappointed.

as much as i'm happy for her and her significant other, i can't help feeling guilty when i thought about how much of a big jerk i was before.

uncle pride should really take a vacation.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

life's an ass because i'm 17, because i'm confused, because i love the muscle strains after training, because i perpetually hit rock bottom emotionally, because i am being judged by shagfaced piss of all sorts everyday, because my hormones are raging, because i think i don't get enough orgasm, because i'm having trouble keeping my faith, because i choose life, because society stinks and because manchester united lost the derby match yesterday.

.

"When you said tulips
I knew that you're mine
When I caught you there
Crying in the night
Wearing my jacket
Wearing that smile
I knew that I'd found you

This could be an opportunity

Were you unawares
Did it catch you out?
Or did it break you in
Right from the start
It's as pure as fire
It's as pure as snow
I knew that I'd found you

This could be an opportunity
If you promise to let it grow

'Cause you're the one I love"

and when the prettiful butterflies come out, with all the opportunities in hand,

i realize that i don't fucking want any of it anymore.

Friday, January 13, 2006

re: the dreaded tag.

it seems that there are some people who mis-interpreted my recent post. i've always been subtle and vague on purpose in posting my entries but apparently, this method can get pretty controversial to some of the readers.

"at the wake of all my recent fuckups, i now know exactly what is wrong with me:

the simple fact that i'm malay.

and i forgot that today's hari raya haji."

i stressed the word 'malay', flaunting it in bright red because i wanted people to know that being 'malay' is a huge shortcoming for me and at times leading me to being depressed in my everyday dealings of life. that post referred to my usual angst for the day and the realization of how pathetic it is to be a malay in a society and country that brags success i.e. Singapore. following up on the fact that i forgot the day's occasion of lamb-cutting, i was really telling everybody that i don't celebrate the occasion that much (anymore).

if you're malay, you are a muslim. well, you are actually stereotyped as a muslim. that statement now is not necessarily true, is it? newsflash: I FUCKING KNOW THAT.

my recent post was based entirely on my ignorance, on the fact that i dislike my background, on the fact that i've been brainwashed too darned much, on the fact that my friends are predominantly chinese, on the fact that i'm really pissed that i get fucked because i'm malay and on the fact that i was just simply being an ass. the reference on hari raya haji was meant to be a mere example.

if i changed 'malay' to 'muslim', i'm simply looking for trouble. and for the record, i am proud to be a muslim. race might be the subset of religion in the context of muslim singaporeans by default so it does make a difference if i put that particular word in.

i don't care what you think and what you think i should put in my entries. my entries are my entries, i won't change it unless i have to. plus, insulting me on my very own taggie calls for animosity especially if you do it in malay language.

lu yang bodoh ar babe. bacer betul-betul ah. tak tau buat tak tau sua.

bad day today. sorry if i'm a little grumpy.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

the ignorance of it all.

at the wake of all my recent fuckups, i now know exactly what is wrong with me:

the simple fact that i'm malay.

and i forgot that today's hari raya haji.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, you TWERP!

(TWERP = HANISAH)

labeling made easy.

and so,

"kutanya malam,
dapatkah kau lihatnya perbedaan,
yang tak terungkapkan,
tapi mengapa,
kau tak berubah,
ada apa denganmu.

oh hanya malam,
dapat meleburkan segala rasa,
yang tak terungkapkan,
tapi mengapa kau tak berubah,
ada apa denganmu."

this song has been repeating on my player. peter pan rocks socks because they're indonesians (and because they make good music). still, i don't know why i'm addicted to the song. maybe it's the strong words in the song.

week's been a fucking arse. the new coach, the stupid bitch at the salon (i'm getting a new hairstylist!), the ignorant pissheads and the tiring days. no mood lah, really.

and i caught the fucking flu bug.

Monday, January 02, 2006

grandads and the lot.

i went through the old photographs that i found during the cleaning process. i realized that i was a crazy assed bugger with all the stupid poses, old school spectacles (i started wearing them in primary one!), my previously skinny dad and fucking cute younger siblings when they were three of four. also, it was a huge reminisce of old times with my grandparents.

i saw the photos of my late grandmothers, both my dad and mom's side, and my late grandfather. it's really amazing what you can find out on photographs. i found out that i inherited my nose from my insanely attitude grandfather who's still alive, my sepet eyes from my late grandmother of my dad's side and my eyebrows from my late grandmother from my mom's side. sadly, it's only facial features that you can determine and not the behaviour or characteristics now that they're gone. it makes you appreciate the deceased and any senior citizens you see around.

my grandfather who's still alive is truly an ass. he's as stucked up as i am but a little more fucked up than i am. things can really go crazy with him being the star. all my aunts and uncles complain and complain but when he really goes, it's gonna haunt them big time. old people are suppose to be mean and grumpy. my grandfather is a living example. and as much as this sounds gay, i love him and he's one cool grandad.

i cleaned my room!

so i decided to clean my room yesterday (after much persuasion from my dad). yeah, major changes to the room. i decided to move my study table because i thought it had the wrong feng-shui, booted the tv and game console outside and cleaned the air-conditioner's air filter. now, my room feels like europe with the air-conditioner blasting away.