this is the rip-off of the theatrical film industry of the 70s, of major CRAPosicities and madcap-inspired drama introduced by charmaine.

take a look.

and legs.

they are to die for.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

ilyas' take on the issue here. need i say more?

oh, and the jog for 3/4 of an hour was an extremely awesome escape-from-reality-therapy.

the feeble affair with confidence and the ever-increasing inferiority complex reasons everything about my take on relationships. i do have my pride, not wanting to be second best and not wanting to waste time pursuing something which might not be of any value. the fact that i am planning to make some money during the june holidays via my indonesian uncle considering his status quo of influence with myself being my own boss of my own business further substantiates a longing for something stable to provide. i would also like to keep my repute which i think is extremely fervent and respectable. if anything, i should have but myself to blame if i do get overly fucked up. putting it in a matter-of-fact-way, i actually don't want it.

erm.

oh, who am i kidding?

Friday, April 21, 2006

it's amazing how people can get so worked up over a cynical view on the malay society. i am pessimistic of the future of my own race, guilty as charged, as with some other people who agrees with the idea, despite the fact that i am malay by blood, as pure as my father who is of malaccan descent.

we have a modest or almost insignificant history to our name with a couple of obvious shortcomings that portrayed our greed and dim handling on issues. certainly, the prediction of a bleak future is not far-fetched because of our discouraging society that continues to disappoint from generation to generation.

having a cynical view does not mean a total anti-malay stance. the only reason why us critics condone the 'malay is no more' or 'malay is dead' sentiments is because we are accepting the facts as it is. our culture and tradition are shadowed by western influence (of which, i am guilty as charged again) as the youths are in full stride, accepting the western values. so, is it wrong for us to criticize the malay society?

we are a minority in singapore and it would be seemingly hard for us to do well. however, it is clear that we are not having the desired success for the amount of population we have. i am sure that we are not trying our best, not at performing at our fullest potential and are just sitting aside letting the other races monopolize everything around us. i am taking the example of malaysia as the basis of my argument with the flaw in the political system which flows down to the people and to the whole society in general. i am not saying that the other governments in the world are perfect but that the way the malaysian government works, despite having or upholding the malay ethics, is still tainted with dishonesty.

when my friends asked me regarding my choice of acquaintance, i would answer, straight up, anything but 'malay friends'. i am not in denial but i am trying my best to keep up with the others just so i could achieve what the others can achieve or do better. at least i am trying on my own to do what is best.

the real world hurts and it is a lie that malays in general are doing well in singapore. if you want the ethnic nationalism and the critiques regarding the malay community to stop, then change. still, i am certain that the others are just too ignorant and are stubborn, refuting all the views above. my cynicism is the result of being demoralized and disappointed at the current situation. it would seem impossible for us malays to be at our top.

i am lashing out this way because i am sick of getting the retorts of me being selfish, arrogant, unsympathetic or as they always put it as 'tak sedar diri'. the fact of the matter is, i work my ass off trying to keep the pride alive, hitting a few blocks and pieces of shites on the way to the point of going crazy and still trying to go on. the adults, they don't give a flying fuck and it pisses me off on how they don't have faith in us and how they don't nurture us properly to give us the headstart that we need. the representation of us malay youths in an unsatisfactory manner on television documentaries like 'hanyut' just shows how we are deeply misunderstood.

"tak akan melayu hilang di dunia," or so said hang tuah. seeing what is going on, i am as ignorant. so what if we lose our heritage? i don't think the others would give a damn anyway.

oh and by the way, i have songs by siti nurhaliza and arwah sudirman in my ipod.

am i still really, malay?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

in many ways, today certainly looked bad a day:

(in order of the occurence) of morning minor accident, of fingernails, of bruises on legs, of soccer match, of throbbing finger, of devilish experience, of marie's stare, of sibling's squabble and of people who thinks we anti-cultural-people are arrogant no-gooders.

i have two issues to address after today, the realization of pretty pain of life and the racial reasoning and the likes.

"never mind, things are hard at times..."

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

life is the conscious brink of insanity, of the unattainable and of urinary piss in a whiskey bottle, seamlessly overflowing everyday but is ironically cognitive to the individual.

somebody please prepare me a remedy.

-.-

Sunday, April 16, 2006

apart from the usual bouts of fags, ilyas made my day with the final solution thingy (see picture above) he keeps in his pencil case, self-prescribed by himself with 'open only in case of emergency' complemented with his persistent explanation going, "when you open this shat up, there is no turning back."

in the words of sean connery,

shhhhtunning.

hms, go figure.

Friday, April 14, 2006

when it rains, it pours.

this is self-induced pain from an industry full of piss (which we fans are sworn to idolize and hold on to like glue).

on another note,

i caught the common cold.

Monday, April 10, 2006

today was roasted menstruated ba gua served on china-made porcelain plate with significant personal blow-ups as the icing on the cake.

no pain, no gain.

well, in my point of view, i think you can get inflicted by all the pain in the fucking world but chances are usually that you don't gain anything at all.

oh, and for the record, i played like shit today.

Friday, April 07, 2006

i can't seem to upload my pictures.

oh, bollocks.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

today,

slacking, two hours of,

ciggies, two sticks of,

kitty food, two packets of,

and most importantly,

(extremely gorgeous) legs, two pairs of.


awesomeness of the most awesomed, the autobahn of jane number 2.


"oh, you horny boy!"

"but love, you look so prettiful."


oh how i wish i could ______ her _________.


-fill in the blanks, please-


-.- laterrrs.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

the realization of superiority and its differences with the less superior or inferior or equivalent is demoralizing. cruel life, unfair with the handling and of the treatment amongst humans. so why did God create a gap between its very slaves?

take vjc. a college of prestige, an attraction to many, the intelligent, the all-rounded, the ability to poach sportsmen and sportswomen and the wealthy. jealousy has, certainly and almost absolutely overcome me with shan wee's obvious propaganda-inspired-cum-braggy review about vjc's talentfest. the best gets the best and the rest, there's (less often than not) the underdog story. but that's fiction, nothing more but a huge lie.

of course, you can choose to take part in this rat race of sorts, hardwork playing a major role, achieving the materialistic conformism of society which you take nothing along with you when you meet God come the end of time. maybe ilyas was right: why chase something temporary when you're gonna die in the end? such pessimistic view on life of his doesn't fancy me, not even a tad, but it made a lot of sense.

inferiority complex is irritating. so it's myself telling myself that:

not everyone can be intelligent,
not everyone can be respected,
not everyone can be good-looking,
not everyone can sustain life's enjoyment,
not everyone can be better, better,
not everyone can achieve popularity,
not everyone can be wealthy,
not everyone can have what they want,

ALL AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.

so what do i do to make myself feel less shitty? why, see others suffer of course! the nature of life works on a vicious cycle, to see others at the end of the 'food chain' and trying to make one's self feel good. everything's psychological and jealousy takes advantage by shitting on our brains.

the simple reason why i watch trainspotting every week substantiates the above paragraph, because the reality of scottish society, a western country; reeks of social filth, seeing ewan mcgregor acting out a character in the most dossed state and knowing how life can be cool even if you're, "the lowest of the low."

true, if not for my religion, i would have gone mad and probably have jumped a 20-storey building.

God is great.